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K&M 13 de julio 1998

I want to write the history of us, well at least my side of the story....

When we meet for the first time, you arrived at our faculty building, I saw your face and my heartbeat raised, I thought "Who is he looking for?"

I questioned myself what can I do to meet you, I am like other girls, I am not girly enough, beautiful and skinny. What were you looking for in a girl?

My mom punished me and took my car away that week, you offer to give me a ride home (well it was not only for me, but it was also my friends and me, I thought you like F at that time) Even that you ask me to ride in the front seat, I pushed her the one in that seat. After that day, we saw each other almost the whole week and you asked me to go to watch a movie with you on a Monday, July 13th.

It was a rainy day, we went to the movies and watch "Titanic". The room was so cold and you ask me if it was ok if you rub my arms and hit me up. How can I say no? After the movies, we were not able to untie our hands. That night, you stayed and "help me" with one of my homework in my study room, don't ask me where I took the strength to kiss your lips, you were so sock and the only words that came from your lips was "Now you are my girlfriend"

When I enter your world was so scary, every single time I questioned and doubt about us, about me and the way I look. My mom told me so many times that no one will love someone like me because I was never good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, girly enough...

I gave you my whole heart and soul, the only way to make myself value to you, I have you the only way I knew. I gave you my first time...

You were so shy, so gentle and honest with me. You took care of me in so many ways. I wanted to be love so bad, I remember how weak and fragile when you were by my side. Unfortunately, this is not a happy ending story... I met your family and I felt like home, even today I think your mom still care about me... But my family did not open their arms to you, I had so many fights with my mom because of it and the only thing that she repeats was "You are not good enough for him and he will leave you anytime, he is only using you" She asked me to break up with you so many times...

The first time we were apart, I traveled to NY with the family for the holidays and I remember that I did everything to call you even went to a 7Eleven to by a phonecard. That was the moment I bought your scale model car... my first one.

That Christmas, you gave my promise ring in your tradition our couple rings. We agreed to let them write inside "K&M 13 de Julio 1998"

We were able to conquer all, at least what I wished but my demons and my family did not allow me to enjoy it. Every moment we had, going out with your friends, staying at your house and have lunch, taking a nap in your arms, brush your hair with my finger, we were possessive of our time together, we felt like it will end and we didn't want it to happen. We felt it before the end... We didn't want to miss a thing... I think we never talked about our fears and how scary was the idea to be apart.

We talked about our kids: a boy and a girl, even their names K and S... We made plans and even you ask me to marry you in secrecy to avoid my mom opposition...

At the begging, I couldn't even imagine myself being next to you. Thinking about it again, it is like it was meant to be, a magic spell or a red string pulling us and get us closer. I never thought that someone was able to love me or that I could love you, my heart throbs only thinking about it. I wonder what makes me love you is it when our eyes met and you cast a spell, you bewitched me. I asked myself "how is it possible that you're the one?" you suddenly came into my life and I never expected you. More I thought about it, it made me more scared about the answer.

In the end, even if I love you then or now, everyone I loved before: my dad, my brother, my grandma and you (K); I gave you my whole and your freedom. I let you go and find a different path, new loves, happiness because that was not possible by my side. Yes, a thousand yes, I took the decision and never ask anybody...

For me love is give everything without expecting something in return, love doesn't have rules, love is watching you from the distance and that makes me happy. 

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