Dear Marie age 36,
How are you doing?
You are trying to deny your feelings and trying to be numb, you are doing everything to forget that you feel lonely; no matter how many people are around us, we only feel an emptiness in our hearts and we repeat ourselves whenever everything is fine.
At this point we have made the days pass quickly: drink, go out, spend money; Looking for an excuse to have someone on my mind, looking for love in the wrong places with people I knew would not lead to anything.
We keep waiting for him, for K, that he will return. We have that childish fantasy that he will return. You have already seen him with his current girlfriend and still, you think that he could leave her for you, at this point you have not realized that nobody is going to return.
You knew this date will come and you are regretting every step you took to be in the position you stating right now. First, you saw his engagement `s pictures, you already knew one day or another he will get married..
But I never thought that a "What if" would hurt me like it did the day I saw those photos, the day of their wedding. That day I spent avoiding crying, all day I held back tears...
I asked myself so many questions: How many times did I dream of you coming back into my arms? What would our wedding have been like? Would we have waited so long to get married or would it have been before? Would we be happy at this point being together? Would he have wanted me to be the bride and not her? At some point did I cross your mind?
Only one song is able to explain every feeling that cames to be that day:
On My Own - Claude-Michel Schönberg (Les Miserables)
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still, I say, there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own
There was a time when there was a song that was happy and with great expectations in my life. I always thought our love was going to be eternal and that we would always be happy together but at this moment we know that it is not true because he is marrying another woman who is not you. I always thought that there would be a moment that my dream would come true, my dream would come to me, we were going to grow old together but there are dreams that could not be ... a dream of what my life was going to be like, not in the hell I am living now. That path that I took so that everyone was happy leaving my happiness lost and without hope.
Now life kills my dream...
Sorry if I am not able to give you false expectations but that day still is painfully and my heart is not able to handle the pain...
I know I will numb our heart and shut it down from this point one...
We have not hidden behind an image, an indestructible character, that nothing hurts us, that we are not broken inside, that the only thing we want is to survive and live day by day.
Tell me who is going to love this broken human inside, who is worth nothing and has nothing to give? All be scars, the pain, and fear you can see in my eyes. I am afraid of being abandoned again, being discarded, my parents did it as it is possible that someone else does. So I'd better keep him away ... what did I have to offer him?
We scared to be lonely... still we dont want no one around...
Keep working and stay strong because I know what is coming soon...
Marie age 41
How are you doing?
You are trying to deny your feelings and trying to be numb, you are doing everything to forget that you feel lonely; no matter how many people are around us, we only feel an emptiness in our hearts and we repeat ourselves whenever everything is fine.
At this point we have made the days pass quickly: drink, go out, spend money; Looking for an excuse to have someone on my mind, looking for love in the wrong places with people I knew would not lead to anything.
We keep waiting for him, for K, that he will return. We have that childish fantasy that he will return. You have already seen him with his current girlfriend and still, you think that he could leave her for you, at this point you have not realized that nobody is going to return.
You knew this date will come and you are regretting every step you took to be in the position you stating right now. First, you saw his engagement `s pictures, you already knew one day or another he will get married..
But I never thought that a "What if" would hurt me like it did the day I saw those photos, the day of their wedding. That day I spent avoiding crying, all day I held back tears...
I asked myself so many questions: How many times did I dream of you coming back into my arms? What would our wedding have been like? Would we have waited so long to get married or would it have been before? Would we be happy at this point being together? Would he have wanted me to be the bride and not her? At some point did I cross your mind?
Only one song is able to explain every feeling that cames to be that day:
On My Own - Claude-Michel Schönberg (Les Miserables)
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still, I say, there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own
There was a time when there was a song that was happy and with great expectations in my life. I always thought our love was going to be eternal and that we would always be happy together but at this moment we know that it is not true because he is marrying another woman who is not you. I always thought that there would be a moment that my dream would come true, my dream would come to me, we were going to grow old together but there are dreams that could not be ... a dream of what my life was going to be like, not in the hell I am living now. That path that I took so that everyone was happy leaving my happiness lost and without hope.
Now life kills my dream...
Sorry if I am not able to give you false expectations but that day still is painfully and my heart is not able to handle the pain...
I know I will numb our heart and shut it down from this point one...
We have not hidden behind an image, an indestructible character, that nothing hurts us, that we are not broken inside, that the only thing we want is to survive and live day by day.
Tell me who is going to love this broken human inside, who is worth nothing and has nothing to give? All be scars, the pain, and fear you can see in my eyes. I am afraid of being abandoned again, being discarded, my parents did it as it is possible that someone else does. So I'd better keep him away ... what did I have to offer him?
We scared to be lonely... still we dont want no one around...
Keep working and stay strong because I know what is coming soon...
Marie age 41
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