Tonight I will write the saddest lines...
How are you doing? How about your quarantine? I hope everything is fine within your house ... How is your family? I wish that you and your wife are well and healthy, please take good care of yourself these days.
You do not know what it took me to decide to write this letter and the pain that causes me in my heart, I need to acknowledge what I am going to say at this moment will break my heart and hurt my pride, but I have to do it for my mental and emotional health...
I think I have been waiting for your return for these past 20 years, my heart has been denied the opportunity to love or be loved for so long, the only reason is you. Acknowledging it and saying it at loud has been one of the most difficult steps I have had to take these days ... Between the anxiety that is killing me ... I want to clarify that this letter is not because I asking you to return to me or begging you to return to my life ... This is a farewell letter ... For the first time, I am going to give up that dream and hoping to see you again in my next life, I need to take responsibility for my past actions and to know that I am sitting here alone having this conversation with your photo, I know that it will not get an answer from you and I do not want to hear the answer either because I know it will hurt more if those words come from your lips.
Sometimes I wonder if we meet, we would need to learn who we are after 20 years, or would it be like nothing change, like to old friends?
You are one of the few people who really know, you know who I really am and who loved me as I was without expecting anything in return ...
My dad died last year, you don't know the appreciation he had for you even knowing that you were the first in my life. I miss my dad so much, it passed 13 years of not talking to him until I saw him in the hospital 1 month before his death.
My grandmother also died this March ... Two of the most important people in mylife.... Destiny or fate took them away from me and sometime I think happiness is not longer an option for me ... I saw my mom Edith in December, we could say that life has given me the opportunity to say goodbye before they left...
My brother maybe will leave the country next year ... 3 of the 4 most important people in my life will no longer be here ...
Forgive me if I bother you with these words, you dont know how sadness consumes heart and these words were in my mind for so long and they scream at me and hunted my dreams ... it hurts more than I expected and the tears are running down my cheek.
I promise from now on to give myself the opportunity to find happiness if it is not a lot I will try my best to be happy in the end of my days, I dont know if someone will be next to me from this day forward, I know for sure no one will replace what I felt for you.... I need to turn to the next page of my life....
I need to keep the promise to my dad I will take care of myself and I will try to be happy... Can I be happy?
I don't want to cause trouble and I apologize to your wife for sending you this message ...
I wish you many blessings and happiness in your lives.
For the last time, I just want to say 愛 し て る, thanks for everything. I know from this moment on we are just strangers who met at some point in their lifes and I have no right to expect more than that ...
I wish you a beautiful life,
Marie Age 41
And the words I wished to write to you but I will never send in my original letter or say them at loud are:
"I would like to know if you still love me? If not, you know I'm not going to stop you anymore, but if you still love me I just want to tell you that I love you and I want to be with you."
How are you doing? How about your quarantine? I hope everything is fine within your house ... How is your family? I wish that you and your wife are well and healthy, please take good care of yourself these days.
You do not know what it took me to decide to write this letter and the pain that causes me in my heart, I need to acknowledge what I am going to say at this moment will break my heart and hurt my pride, but I have to do it for my mental and emotional health...
I think I have been waiting for your return for these past 20 years, my heart has been denied the opportunity to love or be loved for so long, the only reason is you. Acknowledging it and saying it at loud has been one of the most difficult steps I have had to take these days ... Between the anxiety that is killing me ... I want to clarify that this letter is not because I asking you to return to me or begging you to return to my life ... This is a farewell letter ... For the first time, I am going to give up that dream and hoping to see you again in my next life, I need to take responsibility for my past actions and to know that I am sitting here alone having this conversation with your photo, I know that it will not get an answer from you and I do not want to hear the answer either because I know it will hurt more if those words come from your lips.
Sometimes I wonder if we meet, we would need to learn who we are after 20 years, or would it be like nothing change, like to old friends?
You are one of the few people who really know, you know who I really am and who loved me as I was without expecting anything in return ...
My dad died last year, you don't know the appreciation he had for you even knowing that you were the first in my life. I miss my dad so much, it passed 13 years of not talking to him until I saw him in the hospital 1 month before his death.
My grandmother also died this March ... Two of the most important people in mylife.... Destiny or fate took them away from me and sometime I think happiness is not longer an option for me ... I saw my mom Edith in December, we could say that life has given me the opportunity to say goodbye before they left...
My brother maybe will leave the country next year ... 3 of the 4 most important people in my life will no longer be here ...
Forgive me if I bother you with these words, you dont know how sadness consumes heart and these words were in my mind for so long and they scream at me and hunted my dreams ... it hurts more than I expected and the tears are running down my cheek.
I promise from now on to give myself the opportunity to find happiness if it is not a lot I will try my best to be happy in the end of my days, I dont know if someone will be next to me from this day forward, I know for sure no one will replace what I felt for you.... I need to turn to the next page of my life....
I need to keep the promise to my dad I will take care of myself and I will try to be happy... Can I be happy?
I don't want to cause trouble and I apologize to your wife for sending you this message ...
I wish you many blessings and happiness in your lives.
For the last time, I just want to say 愛 し て る, thanks for everything. I know from this moment on we are just strangers who met at some point in their lifes and I have no right to expect more than that ...
I wish you a beautiful life,
Marie Age 41
And the words I wished to write to you but I will never send in my original letter or say them at loud are:
"I would like to know if you still love me? If not, you know I'm not going to stop you anymore, but if you still love me I just want to tell you that I love you and I want to be with you."
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