Un diario dislexico

Someone ask me 2 years ago if I will take a cat for adoption, I never thought about it, I never thought I will stay for to long in this place, A pet, that means you need to be responsible, I am not able to run away anymore. Everything change, When I agree to take her, I made a huge step, I admit to stay, Not possible to let her alone. Now,  She is part of my life, She made me change, Start of the change, A small car, Make me realize I am able to love again, She makes me care for someone else. It was therapeutic, To learn to love again, Yes,  The first step for a very long walk, I don´t know what is going to be the next step, I will start not walk alone anymore. Who will be with me? I don´t know yet, I know who I wish to be.....

It happen a day, I never expect this situation, I never thought about it, I give away any hope and dreams, But that was a moment that everything was clear, I never thought I need to ask anything else, After everything I learn about life, And how cruel is it. I saw you, It was so fast, The impression was so deep, Still, I don't have words to describe it, This is a miracle unfold... You make me think about changes, How good they are, You make me wish for a different ending, Not to let me waste. It is hard to believe in me, I don't know why my life change that day, I don't know why your face make me feel again, I don't know why I want to walk by your side, I know I want to see you face to face, I know I want to feel your arm around me, I know I need to change to be able to find you. This is not the first time I see you, This is not our first life together, I think this time takes longer to meet again, This time,...

When the days pass, Some of them in a slower pace, Maybe they go to slow! Other go so fast, Then I found out you are not here, You run with them, I wish to hold them, That was the only way to have you near, But I remember, I need to forget about you! The memories are the pain I feel on my chest, The thrill, The sensation of you skin in my skin, My heart is pumping so fast, The stir, Your taste! No, This is too much, No more, I wish you here, The stamp in my skin, my head and my heart, It is my fault that you are not here, I push you away, I never fight for you, And maybe you didn't fight back!! But I know I am the responsible one of this outcome. These days I know what is right and what is wrong! I got the change several times to have someone next to me, The promise to fill the space in the bed, But not in the heart..... I try to hide behind the drugs and drinks, I try to fill the blank space with them, But the pain is pouring around, it is insid...

Relationships, She is trap in one, Why she is not able to understand that love is not suffer and pain? It is possible for her to grown in it, Do you think so? Loneliness makes people to attach them to one person, She is attach to someone that is a child, What do I feel most hurtful? I know how much she want to have a family, She wants to fell that she belong to someone, She cries alone, thinking no one will be able to hear her. But even if she hide, I am able to hear her pain. How hard is to understand? Sometime you need to understand, Don't trust your dreams, hopes and your path to someone else, Dont trust nobody, because nobody trust you. Even your mom believes she know best, But no one will not know the best role for you, Because you are the main character on your life, If you let them tell you what to do, That is your problem. I hate to see her cry, The pain, the sorrow, the guilt, Why do you think you deserve all of this? You feel trap in you bad drea...

I don't want you to see me, but I want you to know who I am, it's impossible not to think about you Everytime I'm laying down my bed, I see the ceiling , And the only thing I'm able to imagine is your face, How wonderful will be to have you next to me, Are you able to come? If we meet, are you able to recognize me? Do you see me in your dreams? I miss your face, You don't know who I am! If I lay here, Are you coming back? After I see it all, My heart wonders how this will feel, You change my life. These are the thoughts of q dyslexic's mind, The one who is not able to find the way, Or the path to follow up, The moment I saw you for the first time, My heart explode and feel something after so long. Even if you don't have an idea, I found a reason to fight, Change my ways, I know that I am not perfect, But I will work for it. The road of my broken dream end here, Because we met before, We will meet again, Are you going to kn...

I have been watching my reflection, Hoping to find something, I think i lost it long ago, But recently, I am able to see glitch of it, Maybe because I never thought it was there. I am able to recognize my face, It is not the one I was waiting for, I was trying to find the image of a girl with dreams, Unfortunately i found a woman, The one I need to turn to be able to survive, But I lost the girl dreams and hopes in the process. I have a glance of that girl yesterday, I think she found me again, I want her to find me, I know the dreams are my fuel, The energy that will make me to move forward, The purpose to find a way Without hope, I will not able to survive anymore.

She saw herself in the edge, She knows this is not the path they want me to follow, "When will I be the girl they want me to be?" How is it possible to be true with to kings? One of them, it is the people she care about; The other one is herself. Everything is calling her to cross the line, To move forward and find a new path, She belongs somewhere else, She doesn't know how far she will go, Every trail, she takes lead to the same place, Making her to think what is on the other side. Every fiber inside her, It is calling her, She is staring to the other edge, She knows everything will be new, Full of new experiences, challenges, risks..... But she is not able to quiet her mind, Her instinct is calling her "What is wrong with me?" She is able to her as an echo: "This is where you supposed to be" That why she needs to go, She doesn't know how far or long will take, At this moment, she knows, she will be able to go thru. Sh...

You see people around you, You see them happy, sad, satisfied, frustrated, But you ever wonder how they looked at you? I was different I was not always this way I talked in a different way I didn't care about my body I was careless My philosophy was "Let it be and live the now" Why do you change? What happen to you? Sometimes I blame myself for the choices, My reactions, The plans, I never follow, My visceral reactions to all that happen to me, Never think before I act. I felt rock bottom, I was not able to hide anymore more, Everybody try to hide and use a mask, It could be sock or buskin mask, But they hide from the reality, Trying to earn empathy from other, Or simple they are afraid of themself. I am scared, I am afraid to be alone, I am scared to be alone with my thoughts, I am afraid to feel something again, I am broken inside, I am scared to be love again, I am afraid to feel insecure again, I am not worth the effort to be love, I...

Ignorance is a wonderful state of mind, Or you are too naive, maybe a little lost within your dreams. Why am I asking this? I see around me and people is deceiving you. Why you want to believe in their lies? It is more comfortable to think they are their for you, Remember that: People is searching relief in others and sometime in the wrong ones, People believe your words without thinking if their lies, People only think what they are going to gain in the end, People will say anything to win points with you, People will play with your feelings and they will not care if you are hurt in the end, People will use anybody for pleasure and relief their stress, also to forget all their pains. I will try to forgive but not to forget, I was used before, It is funny to remember it, Each of your lies, Lies within my scars, Lies within my sorrow, But if you need someone, Doesn't matter how bad it was, I will be there for you. I don't want to change you, I will not ...

Memorable quotes for Revolutionary Road: "Hopeless emptiness. Now you've said it. Plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness." The night is near, The demons are walking around me, In the darkness, the trees are full of stars' lights, I know it is a way for all of this to end, Without love maybe, I know I am able to live pretending to love, I know everything will be the same, Without feeling, I know I am able to survive the true, And without a friend? I walk around the city alone, Because I know I am able to live inside my head. All alone, I am able to walk with him until morning, Without him, I am able to have his arms around me, In the darkness, I am able to see beside me, But I know this is only in my mind, I know he is not mine, But still, I repeat to myself "they is a change for us" Without him, My world crumble, Without me, His world doesn't change, He is surrounding of happin...

It was a time that everything went wrong, Before that everything had a light of hope, Dreams was made and you thought everything will be fine, You didn't need to pay for your decisions. All your decisions have a price that you are paying today, Now I am all alone, On my own,  Pretending that you are beside me, And I know that is only in my mind, This is the heavy and highest price I pay, I am paying to be free and take my own decisions. I stand in the rain, Feeling the drops running in my skin. This is the only way I am able to make believe he is near, This is the way you are able to live in my head. All alone, but still you are able to walk beside me You are here. With him, I am able to feel his arms around me, In this darkness,  I know I only having a conversation with myself, Without him, My world around me change, My life is full of strangers, But I know I am only pretending, Because without me, His life is full of ha...

After they enter the hall, I am looking from afar, They are saying their vows... Who is these people? Why is it making fell so sad? They promise to love each other. To be true to their love and faith in each other... Then I hear your voice, You start to whisper in my ear: "For better or for worse, I will be in your best and worse days, I will not let you go, even everything and everyone will question our love, You are my home, You are the one, the only one I was waiting for all this time, Don't run away from me, I know I am not perfect even everybody think so, I have a bad temper and some bad habits, But we have the rest of our life to know each other, Because I want to hold your wrinkle hand in our old age, I love you simple and genuinely" After you finish these words, And as an echo, I was able to hear: "You are not longer two people, From now on, you are only one, What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." How will...

«Mi vida y mi pensamiento luchan desesperadamente por arrancar el manto de impureza de mi corazón, pero mi cuerpo, lleno de sangre y de calor, se arroja sobre las llamaradas geniales de la pasión... la pasión es en mí algo que me da muerte y me da vida al mismo tiempo: muerte al cuerpo y vida al espíritu... Yo amo las pasiones y las detesto, porque mi espíritu es doble... mi voluntad está muerta y por eso soy un náufrago en la pendiente escabrosa del amor... ¡Cuándo terminará mi calvario carnal! Todos los días mi cuerpo es más fuego y mi alma más alta. ¿Cuándo alcanzaré felicidad y amor de verdad? ¿Cuándo seré limpio de amor trágico y de corazón? ¿Cuándo amaré a lo que me ama?»

Dreams, Oh, my dreams I wake up with the feeling they are real, Well I wish they were real, But in the end, I know you are not next to me, I know this is not true, But I am able to wish for it In my awakening your face dissolve from my hands, Every morning I try to keep you, I need to recognize the results is the same every time, Your face is next to mine, Can I make the decision not to wake up anymore? Reality is so heavy, You don't have any idea, I saw you, Our life, so much better, I feel like I lose my white rabbit, That why i don't know if i feel more pain or sorrow, Maybe everything I see in my dreams are a parallel life, I need to recognize you make me happy, My imagination gives me peace of mind, But at this moment that I am awake, What do I feel pain or sorrow? It is necessary to change my life, Wake up!!!!

I feel you, I feel you again And in every second that I think of you, I choose you again In every glance you melt into me. Make me laugh, make me cry, Make me feel, make me doubt Make me lie, even swear Make me pretend, make me want. I think of you and write again And every word brings you to me. Make me die make me live Te siento, te vuelvo a sentir y en cada segundo que pienso en ti, te vuelvo a elegir en cada mirada te derrites en mi. Hazme reir, hazme llorar, Hazme sentir, hazme dudar Hazme mentir, hasta jurar Hazme fingir, hazme desear. Te pienso y vuelvo a escribir Y cada palabra te trae hasta mi Hazme morir, hazme vivir

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- natured, she thought: still it had very long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect. ’Cheshire Puss,’ she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. ‘Come, it’s pleased so far,’ thought Alice, and she went on. ‘Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’ ’That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat. ’I don’t much care where—’ said Alice. ’Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat. ’—so long as I get somewhere,’ Alice added as an explanation. ’Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.’ Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. ‘What sort of people live about here?’ ’In that direction,’ the Cat said, waving its right paw round, ‘lives a Hatter: and in that direction,’ waving the other p...

First step: You repeat in your head everything you did that day, each of your reaction, each of your comments until you find out that the universe is mocking you for your insignificant decisions and that is what make you a human. Second step: You start to find a logical order to all your action, perhaps that will make them have a reason to be and maybe the final result is what you expect. Maybe that way, a human is able to live a life without complications or at least lower them out. Third step: Stop the overthinking, we will do some stupid things or they will cross our minds. For better or for worse we will fail sometimes, not everything will work out. That is part of being a human, you can try your best but the end result is pure fait. Fourth step: Never give up, if you have a goal, try everything and go for it. The established standards said that you can't do it, why i will listen to them. I am able to risk everything to reach the sky. You need to risk it all: time, money,...

Do you remember when we were together? Do you remember each of my face details? Because I remember each of it, How your eyes wrinkles, your hair felt in my skin, The one that I remember the most is your laugh. Do you believe that was my only change to be happy? Do you have any types of regrets? Do you remember me at all? Because sometimes I do miss you, But how many time I notice the most importance thing is: I will not be me if I stay with you In the end of the day, I don’t have regrets, I know who I am, Yes, I confess I wish to have someone here, Next to me and feel protect inside of his arms, The need of love and care from someone, But that the only thing I miss. You are the image of care and love for me, I miss that situation, That moment, You are the only one, At least the first and only one at this moment That allows me to experience all of that. What do I miss? I miss the feeling, I wish to feel it again but with one else.

Do you ever question yourself why are you running away? Do you think I am a believer? Always overthinking everything and find that it is not possible to find the reason to stay. I think a know the reason and answer to my no ending questions: Why do i run away? Why i keep running away? I am running away from myself, It is because of me. I am able to works and live, but I am not what i want to be There is part of me, I don't take seriously, I wish to be something else, I saw my imagine on the mirror and I don't believe it is good enough. Even some people is telling me: "You are I good enough", My family doesn't believe I am good enough, I wish them to be with me, Without them I feel alone, It hurts not having them around. If I run away again, the distance will makes this feeling go away. Distraction, Yes I need them Work is my number one option, Work makes me feel good, I want to stop thinking about everything, Thinking about what I am missin...

Fragmento "Despojos" "Amor, lo que se llama "El Amor", pienso que sólo ocurre una vez en la vida. Pienso que la promiscuidad de los seres humanos se debe a esa búsqueda, que no todos queremos admitir a nivel racional ni consciente. Pero estamos buscando algo que nos hace muchísima falta. Buscamos al socio, la contraparte, el compañero. Buscamos lo que complemente todas nuestras necesidades afectivas, las que cargamos desde que somos niños. Todo lo que nos negaron desde nuestra infancia, todo lo que nos torcieron los adultos y la zoociedad en el camino del crecimiento. Buscamos compensar todo ello con el mito del amor." "Sueña Arcadia, como todas las niñas / muchachas / mujeres / viudas y ancianas que conozco, con la llegada de un famoso personaje, conocido en el mundo de la zoociedad romántica como "El Príncipe Azul"

It is funny to recognized how much I have been dreaming this day, I have dreamed many things, That you could be the favorite taste that could taste my tongue. Also my favorite name and face, I know I could have someone that could be the one who do that part, But it will not be the same. What I remember the most is the feeling of tranquility, hope, Hope is the heaviest word in the world for me at this time, What is the possible? What could be? Hope to see your face, I want to have it all, Only with you. My favorite fantasy, Dont fade away, You don't know how comforting is the feeling to have you in my dreams, I know is my mind, she is playing with my feeling, My brain is mocking me, Doesn't like to live the reality and make my feel you around, But hey that's reality, can someone tell me what it is? You think that someday it could be true, That I can feel this peace and happiness, I am so afraid to lose this, I am so afraid to lose this hope, Maybe,...

Between delusions, paranoia, work and complaints. I have tried to survive the day, changing my attitude towards other people. Away from people I do not want to have around me. Learning to be more diplomatic, taking back all the knowledge I have, dont shared it with everyone, not everybody will appreciate it, if we want, it will be. Between paranoia, work, hypocrisy and gossips. I've tried to survive the day, I need music, I do not want to hear whispering, I don't want to hear my voice neither the voices in my head, I've never liked the silence, that noisy silence. Because here all my paranoias start the game again and "Yes I can hear you". Learning to hear my music, to ignore the people around me. Between hypocrisy, gossip, ignorance and manuals. I have tried to survive the day, forgetting any questions about me, don't self doubt. Let me go! Learning to ignore any reasoning and forget you, say sorry to all the guilty to have about every you didn...

Limits: Know my limits, how far I need to go to know if that is my limit or not. If you know MMA, you need to tap 2 times to give up. I never learn how to give up, maybe that why I don't know my limits, because everything is not out of my reach. I won't give up until I do it. Fear of the unknown: If I dont try new things, If you take the risk to lose it all, If you dont change your routine, you will never learn how the world move around. You are a human: Sometime you dont feel like one, your mind doesnt process the information the same way, you need to remember that your mortal. I make mistakes: Deal with the reality and you do make mistakes, I am not perfect. If your find out to did something wrong, take responsibility and learn from it. Do not run away again: I need to stay until the end, never ever run away from any of your mistakes and always dont forget, the guilty is not a weight I need to carry on.

I ask to the sky “Where I am? Who I am?” A lot of people walk around me, Sorry, but I am trapped in this bitterness, This place is the same every time, People just walk and never look around. Where I am? I always hope someone to look in my eyes, But this only happens one time, I cross my sight with you, But who are you? I can´t hide I can believe it  My heart feel happiness You are the one who came into my dreams But where are you? I will find you, I will recognize you. I promise despite where you are and who you are I will recognize you I will remember your eyes I will look at you I don’t care how many sunset pass by, I will find you doesn’t matter where you are, I won’t forget you I will like to see and cherish all your expressions. Maybe at this moment I am standing here in a gloomy sky, Looking to the people just walked by, Maybe I am afraid of everything and how long it will take But the time will slow down when I wil...

I sit waiting for you, I watch people pass with indifference. It's not possible to know what mood you'll get on this day. Everything goes through my mind, Trying to count everything that had happened in the week. For a whole week missing you, I wish you knew how long I am being waiting for you. Nothing is different, the scenario of our encounter is the same You came and everything was the same, Spent the hours talking about the same thing. The subject changed several times and then you approached, Did not know what to expect from you. You gave me a kiss, we kiss, A soft kiss on the lips. I did not know what to say, I did not know if I had to say something, It is necessary to show you any kind of affection. You expected some reaction! I did not say anything, I did not know how to react. Because I didn't know how I felt, It was something that had been waiting for a long time. What made you have that reaction and kiss me? You kissed me again, This ...

The day passes slowly and tortuously. One Minute, Two minutes, Three minutes, Four minutes, Five minutes, Six  minutes. What do I do to get out of this? I tried to get out of the torture, I thought about my favorite person to set me free, but he was not free. I need to remember he is not free for me all the time. Seven minutes, Eight minutes, Nine minutes, Ten minutes, Eleven minutes, Twelve minutes, I asked the right questions to the right people to get out of what the payday plans were. There was a latent option, The chances of going out with other people Maybe i need to try new things Thirteen minutes, Fourteen minutes, Fifteen minutes Sixteen minutes Seventeen minutes, I continued to wait for the response of a single person to set me free. Oh my God, Each minutes feels like hours. My soul is lost today, Not able to feel empathy to other, If I can at least to deal with my own, How do you expect to me to feel theirs? Thirty minutes, The madn...

The frustration started the moment I realized that I loved you, I wonder if you are a bad person because every time I see you are playing with a different person. My heart hurts from this clumsy love, I would like to share with you everything, a look, a smile even want to share few tears. Everything hurts because of you and this clumsy love. All this is for you and the love that I have for you, I have tried to retain it, So many times I have tried to stop it, But I knew from the beginning that it was all your fault, Just to see you for the first time, My heart began to miss you, As well as loving you, It is a pain that I can not explain, I think I can say I'm fine. You move away from me, Although from the beginning I knew that you were not by my side, Because I can not stop you by my side, Just look at me, Wait for me, it will all be worth it, Today I feel sad because of you, I've seen you so many times today and I can not hold you in ...

Everything in the day would have told me that it was going to be a simple day without any high or low. All the shit pointed at that. I do not know what gave me today to see through the bus window all the way, in a gray Mitsubishi Lancer, until the plates I learned, I see a known silhouette. My eyes could not believe it, it was him. I saw it several times, I was amazed, frozen from the impression. With all my heart I wanted him to see me again. The tears, the fucking feeling, the vulnerable, all that I try to kill every day. Emotions that I tried to hide for a long time. The feeling of abandonment came back to me, the tears too. I had to hide it, I had to go to the office. I was amazed at the window of a bus watching it, the traffic was very heavy, so the cars were not moving. You can see every detail, the freckles in his arms (if as well as the ones I have, but bigger, I think they are now confused with the age spots in his hands) that beard on the reddish chin and the dark brown m...

I would have believed that you were real and everything that we had passed together happened, but there is something that tells me that everything was a dream or a simple illusion. Because I do not see it happening again. I just wish I could read your mind, know how I could save you this time. If only I could help you to get out of that place. Well, here in your world, I would like to be a part of it. Show me the way, let me see beyond that facade. I have seen how the days pass, I see how only you believe that you deceive the world, only you believe it. Let someone actually see who you are, it is scary to show yourself to them. You do not know how people will react! If only I could read the mind. Many times I imagine you in front of me and I see your twisted smile, you are sitting watching the emptiness. That silence that you do not let break by my words. Silence often has more value than words. If only I could read your mind. Spanish Hubiera creí...

. . . . . . . . .  mary  . . . . . . .  someone   is   there ? . . . . . . . . . . .  heeellllllooooo ! me gustaría muchas veces tener soluciones para todos mis rollos personales, el trabajo es lo  único  que a solucionado callar cada uno de los demonios que atacan mi cabeza. la lucha entre todas las entidades, todas tratan de salir al mismo tiempo y cada una de ellas quieren ser la dominante. existen momento que no logro controlarlas, esa pelea interna nunca va a terminar? solo al alcohol y las narcóticos pueden lograr  acallarlas  o  anestesiarlas  por un rato. pero siempre regresan el  dia  siguiente. el ataque constante, me preguntan demasiado, quieren que les conteste honestamente cómo me siento. ni el personaje principal, el que escribe y convive con "la realidad", sabe como se siente. cuando yo trato preguntarles lo mismo, ellas nunca me responden! algunas veces me pregunto si lo que estoy pasando es re...

Me he despertado por la madrugada, sentí una mano sobre mi boca. trate de gritar, pero su mano no lo permitía, trate de mover mi brazo para soltarme. me sentí atada de las mano "que pasa?" Logre enfocar la vista, creo a ver visto tu rostro. trate de preguntar qué pasaba, que porque estabas en mi cuarto. no tenía miedo, volví a tratar de hablar y tu solo me mirabas. El silencio de la noche cubría esta imagen. No decias nada, no tenía miedo, tu me mirabas y no decias nada. trate de soltarme de las manos, pero no encontraba la forma de hacerlo. Mordi tu mano para poder hablar, pues el silencio me estaba matando. Pero no la removiste de mi boca. Solo me diste un beso en la frente, cerré los ojos cuando lo hacías. Cuando los abrí ya no te encontrabas ahí.

Si cierro mis ojos puedo verte,  Tus ojos tristes,  Tu rostro serio, Tu sonrisa tímida, Mi corazón sigue doliendo no puedo olvidar lo que quiero. Sera todo esto un sueño y cuando despierte todo se desvanecerá. En realidad está escrito que estemos juntos?  O solo me estoy enamorando de ti sin ningún sentido? Como el destino,  sigo cayendo en él, sigo pronunciado tu nombre, te sigo llamando. No puedo escapar de ti, por favor que alguien me detenga. Estoy llegando a la demencia. Como todo esto está conectado, todo tenía que pasar por alguna razón? Estamos conectados con un hilo rojo. Porque sigo llamándote, ya no sé quién soy, dónde estoy, no puedo esperar. Alguien paré esta ilusión, por favor. Eres tú el que estoy esperando?  O mi corazón se está llenando de una ilusión más,  Se está hundiendo cada vez más sin ningún sentido. Quédate conmigo, pues tu presencia me hace feliz porque estás viviendo dentro de mi corazón y no puedo s...

Como te puedo extrañar si no te conozco, Como puede sentirte si no estas aqui, Como he pensado amarte si no se quien eres. I love you, love you and I miss you at the same time. But I don't know how you look like.... Es una contradicción, No se como puede pasar esto, Te extraño, Te quiero, Y aun no se quien eres... Te he visto en mis sueños? Y por eso será que te extraño, Pasamos la tarde disfrutando el sol y la arena, En otra ocasión me estabas esperando en la nieve. Las lágrimas comienzan a correr, Como te puedo extrañar? Le puedo llamar "destino"? A caso seras mi destino? Cuando me miras con esos ojos triste, No puedo dejar de querer mas, Quiero conocer qué escondes, Everything felt like mean to be! Si nacemos de nuevo, Será que nos volveremos a encontrar, Me pregunto: Donde estabas todo este tiempo? Tenia que encontrarte hasta ahora? Por favor no me dejes, No quiero volverte a perder, Podria tenerte junto a mi esta vida? Dejame cono...

Mi cuerpo se levanto pensando en la ducha fría en una mañana fría, mi cerebro se despertó pensando en cómo iba a llegar al trabajo, porque lo más probable es que no iba a pasar buses y si pasaban, iban a ser muy poco. Comenzó la rutina, baño, los dientes, pastillas, tomar el mp4, a ver que se me había olvidado. Camino con la nube negra sobre mi cabeza, pensando en la caminada que me iba a tocar hasta la plaza, pero en eso enfrente del pasaje 17, si el pasaje donde vivo, había una 42 esperándome. Aquí es un buen comienzo, baje en el bus a la siguiente parada para tomar la 42 A. Cuál fue mi sorpresa esa ruta estaba estacionada en el punto, como si me hubiera estado esperando a mí para irse. Me dije “OK las cosas van demasiado bien el día de hoy, que está pasando. Sera la suplica que pasara algo bueno en la semana. Los dioses me oyeron” Bueno aun así tengo que ir a trabajar, así que no todo es bueno. Llegue a terminar los últimos detalles del manual, comimos choris (panchos). Me fe...

The struggle is real, is damn real What the F… the worst is recognize it is real. After I watch my self today in that way, I know this is real, the struggle will be so big. SO damn BIG. I was watching me and love me at the same time, it was not possible. Body shaming, F…ing Body shaming………… I was not able to say anything, not to feel ashamed of mine body. I hate the saw I look, I have so much hate. Then what? I need to remember I am working on it. Nothing is faster if I want it to last. But It was so disgusting, I Hate it. I really hate me, why I let me go this way? Why I never stop? Why I never love myself before. I am F…ing hating this feeling. Hopples, I am not F…ing hopeless but it is going to be hard. I want to kill, to fight, to punch me, to punish me for it…… and scream “You got what you deserve, F…ing stupid cow” F…. I need to love me, I need to do it….. I need to do it. I LOVE ME …. I need to watch me on the mirror…. I need to learn not to hate what I se...