Un diario dislexico

Something is wrong with my mind It just does not work I'm not even a person when I'm without you You are that vitamin that suddenly dominates me If I have you, I do not notice you If I lose you, I miss you I feel that I am nothing without you Now, you are not here You will almost certainly walk with her Why I'm stupid? I go to practice, I dont get excited I open a book and I forget to read it At the very least, I can not sleep I am a hollow head A doll without a purpose, A kind of disaster You are not here I need you next to me, If I do not, I do not know what to do Why is it changing at times My being Until I become nothing I hear noises in the street I hear footsteps approaching Somebody knocks the door I'll see who it is It's you, I do not believe it Do not stay out, pass Have the key to my house You will not leave here

Let walk thru the floor like everybody hates me, Like nobody know you, Walking alone this time, You never allow someone to meet you and learn about your darkside, Your demons, The darkest place in your soul, La busqueda por las respuesta a cada una de mis reacciones, Quisiera encontrar la razon porque no permito que nadie me conozca, El miedo que sepan lo oscuro que puede ser aqui adentro, Creo que ni yo quiere conocer que es lo que existe aqui adentro, You never finish to know yourself, Even if you try to run away from it, The reality hits you so hard, The battle is imminent, I laugh in the darkness, you can hear the echo, Echo our your voice trying to reach the light, Trying to find help for your soul, I think or I know, the reason or sanity is not with me at this point, Can I lay down here and give up? I am so tired,

Emptiness, Nothingness, The hole in the wall, The one I used to see outside, It looks like the sun is shining there, But it's scary to cross the line, The wall is not that strong, But it's cosy and homy here, Why I need to take the chance to cross, Loneliness, Shallow hopes, My heart doesn't want to try again, It's scary, If I feel alive again, If learn to have hope again, And everything goes wrong, I don't have a heart to keep it together again, I almost lost myself last time, I was wondering without a purpose, I lost it last time, I was hard to find myself, Why to take a chance? Do you think I am strong enough for it? But nothing last forever, Suddenly I will not be able to leave even if I want too, I don't know what is more scary, Not able to leave this shallow way of survive life in a hopeless loneliness, Or find a reason to change it, But with the uncertainty of what will be the end result of my adventure, What is the worse of ...

The worse part of writing my thoughts is that they are only that words post in the space, they're only characters in the emptiness, they are nothing until someone read them. Otherwise, they are nothing.... I am here trying to thank you for the wonderful time and memories; lo gracioso es que cada una de las palabras que escribo se van borrando al mismo tiempo de mi corazón; what I am trying to do at this moment, erase you from my mind and heart? Ya no es doloroso recordarte, I think I don't regret my choice of let you go. Pero casa vez que recordaba tu nombre, tu rostro, tu voz; my heart stopped and pain was the worse. Sabiamos que las cosas no iban a durar, we have an ending for our story, yes, we didn't give up that easy, but our destiny was not together. En ningún momento esta dicho que eramos la última persona que íbamos amor, we were destined to be our first love and first kiss, our first everything. Siempre estaré agradecida por ello, por nadie iba a ser...

Today I talk about you, I remember every detail of your face, That smile, Even the sound of your laught, It is a funny thing to remember every single time we were happy, sad or teasing each other. The first time you kiss me, Well, to be honest I kiss you first, The shock in your face was priceless, I think you never expect it... Do you think it was a good time in your life? Or Do you regret it? I am repeating these days I will give me another change to fell in love again, To experience my last love, I dont believe you are able to love only once in your life time, And I think I was attach to the memories of all  my mistakes, Everything that I regret and all my wrong doing, I recognize today, I dont need a life support, I dont need to remember again all the bad things about us, The cruel memories, I think I am able to be quit now and I dont hear the voice telling me what I did wrong, If I hear them, they are asking me to stand up and fight, The fight is not aga...

Give me love, You are not able to ignore my request, At least this time, This day, I am vulnerable here, I am helpless, You left me powerless after your departure, Impotent, because you decide for both, Never ask my option, I am on my knees and feeling so weak, Why do you think this is for the best? Why did I do? Dont give the same excuses again, Because I dont deserve another one. Tell me only the true....

Tell me why are you so afraid to lose, You already hate yourself, You dont love your body, There is not other person but you who body shaming yourself, You have that piece of meat and bones, The only one to blame because of you body condition, But still, you never love yourself, You thought that was the only way to make your point against your mother requests, The only way, you were able to be on control of the situation, Still, you did everything, You never love yourself, You were waiting for someone to love you but even if they showed up, You never believed they like you, Why? Because you hate yourself.... Yes, yes, yes, You hate your body, You are ugly, you are nothing, You are not able to see yourself in the mirror, You are not able to say "I love you" to your reflection, You hate every time someone said "Wow, you look good" or "Wow, you are getting skinnier" Because you dont believe it, You are not able to see it, But why are you...