Un diario dislexico

When the days went by and I still have dreams about us... Missing something that will never become true... You will never come back to me...  I will miss you until my last day...  I will try to have someone by my side, and I am aware that he will never replace you or take your spot in my heart... People will think my face, smiley face and happy moments but they will never know what is really inside of my heart...  You are always on my mind, in my dreams and I always expect your return back home...  When I dream I always expect that you will be there hugging me and telling me that every will be OK...  I need your hugs today, please come to me and stay for the night...  I need you tonight... 

Picture perfect memories Scattered all around the floor Reaching for the phone 'cause, I can't fight it anymore And I wonder if I ever cross your mind For me, it happens all the time It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door Wishing you'd come sweepin' in the way you did before And I wonder if I ever cross your mind For me, it happens all the time It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk, and I need you now Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now And I don't know how I can do without, I just …

[Verse 1] This is the first day of my life I swear I was born right in the doorway I went out in the rain; suddenly, everything changed They're spreading blankets on the beach Yours is the first face that I saw I think I was blind before I met you Now I don’t know where I am I don’t know where I’ve been But I know where I want to go [Chorus] And so, I thought I’d let you know That these things take forever I especially am slow But I realize that I need you And I wondered if I could come home Mhm mhm [Verse 2] Remember the time you drove all night Just to meet me in the morning? And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed You felt as if you'd just woke up And you said “This is the first day of my life I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you But now, I don’t care; I could go anywhere with you And I’d probably be happy” [Chorus] So if you want to be with me With these things, there’s no telling We just have to wait and see But I’d rath...

Lyrics Daydream Life feels like a daydream And I just wish that I could wake up I just wish that I could wake up My mind Whispers in the nighttime Voices always keeping me up Telling me that I should give up 'Cause lately, I've been in the backseat to my own life Trying to take control, but I don't know how to I don't wanna be sad forever I don't wanna be sad no more I don't wanna wake up and wonder What the hell am I doing this for? I don't wanna be medicated I don't wanna go through that war I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be sad anymore I don't wanna be sad forever I don't wanna go one more day I just wanna wake up and realize Everything's gonna be okay I don't know how else to say it I don't wanna go through that war I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be sad anymore I'm callin' through to the other side I'll make it through to tomorrow 'Cause th...

LYRICS: I’ve been thinking about my father lately, the person that he made me, the person I’ve become And I’ve been trying to fill all of this empty, but fuck I’m still so empty Yeah, I could use some love And I’ve been trying to find a reason to get up Been trying to find a reason for this stuff In bedroom and my closet, the baggage in my heart is still so dark Modern loneliness We’re never alone but always depressed, yeah Love my friends to death but I never call, I never text La di da di da, yeah You get what you give and you give what you get, so Modern loneliness We love to get high but we don’t know how to come down If I could break my DNA to pieces, rid of all my demons If I could cleanse my soul Then I could fill the world with all my problems, but shit that wouldn’t solve them So I’m left here alone And I’ve been trying to find a reason to get up Been trying to find a reason for this stuff In bedroom and my closet, the baggage in my heart is still so dark Modern loneliness ...

More than a year since the last time I saw you... I brushed your hair, you hugged me back and we talked about random stuff... I tried to wear a mask for few months but it was to heavy to carry on with the charade... It is almost a year since you departure and to be honest with you... It hurts and I always remember that I need to carry on with my life even if I miss you so much... Please hug me and tell me that you are happy now, that you will take care of me and I will have a happy ending in my storyline... 

Missing someone Missing a moment It feels like I am searching for someone or something Like I keep searching  Why I feel empty like I am missing a piece, What am I looking for? Belonging... Why I keep crying when I see your face? Nostalgia....

“Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” ―  J.R.R. Tolkien,  The Lord of the Rings

There is a moment in time that changes it all, That was 2001 for me It changes my family dynamics  My path in life That was the year when I hide in books Especially 2 of them: LOTR and HP I read them as an addiction to run away from reality I need it I wanted it I hated my life I never loved me I did not think of myself as a person with value or worth Since those days I ran away from my true feelings Mom always said "No one will love you for who you are, they will want your money because your ugly fat ass they will not desire it, you are fat and no one will love you like that" I never thought someone will like me or love me But I gave it all, tried hard to feel in love or to find someone to like me And the end result was the same... me alone with a broken heart

Como o has estado? Que tal de cuarentena? Espero que todo esté bien por tu casa... Como esta la familia? Deseo tanto que tu esposa y tu estén bien, cuídense mucho en estos días. No sabes lo que me ha costado decidirme para escribir esta carta y el dolor que me provoca en el corazón tener que admitir lo que voy a decir en este momento, pero lo tengo que hacer por mi sanidad mental y emocional.  Creo que he estado esperando por tu regreso por 20 años, mi corazón se ha negado la oportunidad de amar o ser amado por tanto tiempo, el único motivo sos vos. Reconocerlo y decirlo al viento ha sido uno de los pasos más difíciles que he tenido que dar estos días... Entre que la ansiedad me esta matando... Quiero aclarar que esta carta no es para decir que vuelvas a mi o que regreses a mi vida... Esta es una carta de despedida... Por primera vez voy a renunciar a ese sueño, a la esperanza de volverte a ver, a tomar la responsabilidad de mis actos y saber que estoy aquí sentada sola man...

For me, my love is given without expecting anything in return, It is the love that has no rules just looking from afar, Only that, can bring happiness to me, I am not a special woman, Now, I don't even know what I am good at... But today, I want to give these words to someone that I don't even know if he will be reading... But, I wanna say thank you for everything... He has been giving me to this ordinary girl...

Trying to keep my mind busy these days Trying to forget your face Trying to take the first step Trying to finish my work Trying to move on Trying to go out Trying to find a way to runaway Trying to connect with my inner peace Trying to live again like nothing wrong is shaping around the world

Say something, I'm giving up on you I'll be the one if you want me to Anywhere, I would've followed you Say something, I'm giving up on you And I am feeling so small It was over my head I know nothing at all And I will stumble and fall I'm still learning to love Just starting to crawl Say something, I'm giving up on you I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you Anywhere, I would've followed you Say something, I'm giving up on you And I will swallow my pride You're the one that I love And I'm saying goodbye Say something, I'm giving up on you And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you And anywhere, I would have followed you Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you Say something, I'm giving up on you Say something

Tonight I will write the saddest lines... How are you doing? How about your quarantine? I hope everything is fine within your house ... How is your family? I wish that you and your wife are well and healthy, please take good care of yourself these days. You do not know what it took me to decide to write this letter and the pain that causes me in my heart, I need to acknowledge what I am going to say at this moment will break my heart and hurt my pride, but I have to do it for my mental and emotional health... I think I have been waiting for your return for these past 20 years, my heart has been denied the opportunity to love or be loved for so long, the only reason is you. Acknowledging it and saying it at loud has been one of the most difficult steps I have had to take these days ... Between the anxiety that is killing me ... I want to clarify that this letter is not because I asking you to return to me or begging you to return to my life ... This is a farewell letter ... For th...

I tried to imagine Your reaction It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened But it really got me thinkin' That night we went drinkin' Stumbled in the house And didn't make it past the kitchen Ah it's been a year now Think I've figured out how How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out I know, you know, we know You weren't down for forever and it's fine I know, you know, we know We weren't meant for each other and it's fine But if the world was ending You'd come over right You'd come over and you'd stay the night Would you love me for the hell of it All our fears would be irrelevant If the world was ending You'd come over right The sky'd be falling while I'd hold you tight No, there wouldn't be a reason why We would even have to say goodbye If the world was ending You'd come over right You'd come over right You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd...

I am a person who is made up of pieces, pieces that no longer feel like their own. I would like to return to that moment when I woke up in the room without thinking that I would eat the next day. Since I was little I had a plan in which was going to be my future. Go back when everything was easier. At this moment the depression is owing me. For 20 years, I have only dedicated myself to surviving and getting up the next day because I cannot let myself die. For a long time, I drowned my sorrows in alcohol, food and numb my brain with illusions. I have years that I do not dream, learned to continue without one. I'm still working to survive another day. My family was my everything, K was my happy. Everything collapses around me and the only thing I wanted to do is throw everything down a spout. My mom verbally and psychologically abused me, I heard so many times how little it meant and that it was worth nothing. The screaming was my breakfasts of the day and sometimes the wa...

I'm jealous of the rain That falls upon your skin It's closer than my hands have been I'm jealous of the rain I'm jealous of the wind That ripples through your clothes It's closer than your shadow Oh, I'm jealous of the wind 'Cause I wished you the best of All this world could give And I told you when you left me There's nothing to forgive But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was Heartbreak and misery It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way You're happy without me I'm jealous of the nights That I don't spend with you I'm wondering who you lay next to Oh, I'm jealous of the nights I'm jealous of the love Love that was in here Gone for someone else to share Oh, I'm jealous of the love 'Cause I wished you the best of All this world could give And I told you when you left me There's nothing to forgive But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was Heart...

I need to take the next step after I am writing these letters I acknowledge what is the next step... The biggest problem is that I am so scared of the unknown, my anxiety will kick and I don't have any idea of the possible outcome... I dont have words to describe the feeling inside me...

Yes I do, I believe That one day I will be, where I was Right there, right next to you And it's hard, the days just seem so dark The moon, and the stars, are nothing without you Your touch, your skin, where do I begin? No words can explain, the way I'm missing you Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside These tears, they tell their own story You told me not to cry when you were gone But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong Can I lay by your side, next to you, you And make sure you're alright I'll take care of you, And I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight I'm reaching out to you Can you hear my call This hurt that I've been through I'm missing you, missing you like crazy Can I lay by your side, next to you, to you And make sure you're alright I'll take care of you, And I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side ...

Dear Marie age 36, How are you doing? You are trying to deny your feelings and trying to be numb, you are doing everything to forget that you feel lonely; no matter how many people are around us, we only feel an emptiness in our hearts and we repeat ourselves whenever everything is fine. At this point we have made the days pass quickly: drink, go out, spend money; Looking for an excuse to have someone on my mind, looking for love in the wrong places with people I knew would not lead to anything. We keep waiting for him, for K, that he will return. We have that childish fantasy that he will return. You have already seen him with his current girlfriend and still, you think that he could leave her for you, at this point you have not realized that nobody is going to return. You knew this date will come and you are regretting every step you took to be in the position you stating right now. First, you saw his engagement `s pictures, you already knew one day or another he will get ma...

Summer after high school, when we first met We make-out in your Mustang to Radiohead And on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof Talk about our future like we had a clue Never planned that one day I'd be losing you In another life, I would be your girl We keep all our promises, be us against the world In another life, I would make you stay So I don't have to say you were the one that got away The one that got away I was June and you were my Johnny Cash Never one without the other, we made a pact Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on, whoa Someone said you had your tattoo removed Saw you downtown, singing the blues It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse In another life, I would be your girl We keep all our promises, be us against the world In another life, I would make you stay So I don't have to say you were the one that got away The one that got aw...

Dear Marie age 27, First I want to share a lyric from Lovely - Billie Eilish because I feel it suits your state of mind at this moment: "But I know someday I'll make it out of here Even if it takes all night or a hundred years Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear Isn't it lovely, all alone? Heart made of glass, my mind of stone Tear me to pieces, skin, and bone Hello, welcome home" How hard it is to believe everything will be fine at this point... For the first time, you will be selfish and run away from here, everyone will feel that we betrayed them... For the first time, you will try to grow up, we will start our survival mode on... You will be on your one... When you come back after your adventure in Argentina, you will be by yourself because your family doesn't support your decisions, you will find a job, a room, we will have help from your friends. You will try to ask him to com...

[Verse 1] I never should have called 'Cause I knew you would leave me But I didn't think you could do it so easily And I never should have held your hand On that cold rainy night 'Cause, further along, it would cause another fight [Chorus] Stranger, that's all I see When I look into your eyes A soulmate who wasn't meant to be Stranger, who knows all my secrets Can pull me apart and break my heart A soulmate who wasn't meant to be [Verse 2] I never should have kissed Kissed your hand I am under your control I will never understand I never should have said "I love you" You never said it back So why do I still care for you? [Chorus] Stranger, that's all I see When I look into your eyes A soulmate who wasn't meant to be Stranger, who knows all my secrets Can pull me apart and break my heart A soulmate who wasn't meant to be [Bridge] Wish I could go back to the day we met and leave you be Sit and look pretty ...

Dear Marie age 21, How are you doing? How do you feel? Do you feel that the end is coming? Are you able to foresee it? Why are you so mad about? I know you want to be someone else, everything went wrong in a short period of time. I don't want to lie about it but this will be only the beginning of the end. Mom will kick us out of our house and we will start for the first time wondering around, until this day you don`t have a home. I don't even know the reason why she did it... Maybe she wished to make dad feel bad because he was hooking with other women, do his drinking habits or their constant argument at night. You wished so many times to wrong away with K but you knew that was not the way... I want to protect you so hard and put you inside of a shelter, this is the moment every decision you take are going for the well being of others and not yours. You will try to say goodbye to every person you love without hold heart and push them but we will talk about it in ...

What should I say From where to how I drop my head And you look at me That awkward silence I don’t love you You probably already know Even if you cry My heart doesn’t hurt I don’t love you There’s no other reason I don’t want to say the words I’m sorry or forgive me That’s just all This is how I feel I don’t love you I don’t love you I don’t love you You probably already know Even if you cry My heart doesn’t hurt I don’t love you There’s no other reason I don’t want to say the words I’m sorry or forgive me That’s just all This is how I feel I don’t love you I don’t love you I don’t love you There’s no other reason I don’t want to say the words I’m sorry or forgive me That’s just all This is how I feel I don’t love you I don’t love you K answers.... 

Dear K Age 22, I wish to know how are you doing at this moment? She already told you that she will go and study abroad. You promise her to follow and that you will not leave her alone.... She did not reply to you in the best way, she asked you to stop... She asked you not to follow her even she ask you to end your relationship... I am crying right now, the tears don't stop, every though is hauled inside of them. Even if I ask you right now, not to go away, not to be hurt with her words, I know the end result: you are not next to me, I push you too far away for me to reach you back to me.... Sometimes I wish so hard that we are able to wake up and you are next to me... Whish to smell your perfume, brush your hair with my hands and whisper in your ear how much I do love you... I regret every single word and my immature behavior... My world was crumbling, the only thing I knew, my family was not a family anymore (what I thought it was a family); and you paid the price for ...

[Verse 1] I met you in the dark You lit me up You made me feel as though I was enough We danced the night away We drank too much I held your hair back when You were throwing up [Pre-Chorus] Then you smiled over your shoulder For a minute, I was stone-cold sober I pulled you closer to my chest And you asked me to stay over I said, I already told ya I think that you should get some rest [Chorus 1] I knew I loved you then But you'd never know 'Cause I played it cool When I was scared of letting go I knew I needed you But I never showed But I wanna stay with you Until we're grey and old Just say you won't let go Just say you won't let go [Verse 2] I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed I'll bring you coffee With a kiss on your head And I'll take the kids to school Wave them goodbye And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night [Pre-Chorus 2] When you looked over your shoulder For a minute, I forget that I'...

I want to write the history of us, well at least my side of the story.... When we meet for the first time, you arrived at our faculty building, I saw your face and my heartbeat raised, I thought "Who is he looking for?" I questioned myself what can I do to meet you, I am like other girls, I am not girly enough, beautiful and skinny. What were you looking for in a girl? My mom punished me and took my car away that week, you offer to give me a ride home (well it was not only for me, but it was also my friends and me, I thought you like F at that time) Even that you ask me to ride in the front seat, I pushed her the one in that seat. After that day, we saw each other almost the whole week and you asked me to go to watch a movie with you on a Monday, July 13th. It was a rainy day, we went to the movies and watch "Titanic". The room was so cold and you ask me if it was ok if you rub my arms and hit me up. How can I say no? After the movies, we were not able to ...

I'll do everything, I'll try every way It makes me know well what things will be like It doesn't matter if you have someone else, just look at me Just that, I'm happy inside already I don't care if you have someone else or how the reality is I don't know, I just have you in my heart I'll do everything, I'll try every way To make you feel warm in your heart with me We just met, but just look[ing] into your eyes It makes me know well what things will be like It doesn't matter if you have someone else, just look at me Just that, I'm happy inside already I don't care if you have someone else or how the reality is I don't know, I just have you in my heart I'll do everything, I'll try every way To make you feel warm in your heart with me We just met, but just look[ing] into your eyes It makes me know well what things will be like

Dear Marie age 19, You are the one I need to talk the most, mom and dad fight every two days. She blames you and in every fight, she knocks your door and yells at you. Do you remember the time she came with a revolver and asked you to kill them both? These last 2 years, it is getting worse and will not stop. You were not able to understand why and how everything will be so wrong, but in the end, this is your home and family. You were verbal abuse by her so many times, we try to please her in every single way, we indulged in her request and wish but it was never enough for her. People always saw us as a perfect family with privileges and the possibility to do whatever, the sky was the limit. Enjoy your moments with dad, I remember Marie's burritos every time he covered me with the blanket. Also, our conversations in the kitchen and we talk about his day, talk about everything and nothing at the same time. I want you to cuddle and hug him more, we will miss him later and we a...

[Verse 1] On my pillow Can't get me tired Sharing my fragile truth That I still hope the door is open ’Cause the window Opened one time with you and me Now my forever's falling down Wondering if you'd want me now [Chorus] How could I know One day, I’d wake up feeling more But I had already reached the shore Guess we were ships in the night, night, night Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah We were ships in the night, night, night [Verse 2] I'm wondering, are you my best friend? Feels like a river's rushing through my mind I wanna ask you if this is all just in my head My heart is pounding tonight, I wonder If you are too good to be true And would it be alright if I Pulled you closer

Dear Marie age 13, Cherish this time with your dad and grandma, you know you love them so much. At this moment everything will feel like your world is crumbling, it will hard on you, she will be so damn hard. Even if you feel that she is pushing you to be different and change, you are not fat, doesn't matter how many time she is yelling at you that no one will love you and the only they are trying to get from you is your money or for you to give them a ride. You are not able to have a real  friendship for years because of her words, you will try so hard to be love, you wanted to be love and feel of belonging. You will do so many dumbs things, even you will try to pay for people's friendship but you will be empty inside... she will remember to tell you every single time that you are worthless. Your mom will try to change you in every single way. Please remember you have your dad in your corner, he loves you the most. He always tries to fight and defend you, sometimes you...

Waking up this morning to a world that seems different, The alarm clock wakes me up like it usually does, You are next to me peacefully sleeping, You don't know what is on my mind, I wish to tell you that I am letting you dwell on your sweet dreams, I am thinking of the time we stared into each other's eyes without uttering a word, The way you looked at me was proof of your love, I wish my eyes were able to prove you my love for you, With all the good times we've shared, Can I ask you "Do you feel the same way I do?" or I should keep this to myself? or should I tell you how I feel? I want you to be my last one, And the one who shares every breath with me, I promise I will never ever hurt you again, Do you hear me, my love? Please don't let go of my hand... No matter what happens, please believe in me, No matter how tough things get, we will make it through together, Because I know our meeting was not a coincidence or a dream, And today, I...

Dear Marie age 4, I want to tell you,  from now on you will be a big sister. You need to care and keep him safe,  even if your mom yells at you and curses you, he will be always one of your favorite people. From this point forward, he will need you at the moment he finds his true sexuality. You will know it before him, I will explain more details later because I know you don't understand. You are a beautiful baby girl, don't listen to what she said about you. It is not your fault,  your dad loves you and your brother will do it too. Believe in you and how beautiful you are. Regards, Marie age 41

We need to talk, I need to talk with myself... We need to have a conversation about everything,  our past and everything we did wrong or right, We damage some people, we hurt ourselves... I need to talk about our problems with rejection and separation, Our conversation regarding our feelings and about the one we let go, All the what if you are thinking every single day lately, The only thing that comes to me mine is Johnny Cash singing: "My only sunshine" We focus ourselves on everyone's feeling but not in ours, Why we never remember that never will be enough  for them, They will never understand what we  did for them, What we ran away and that was our coward desition, We didn't let them choose, We did it for them  and now we want to know if our present could be different, I was trying to make their life easier, But I am sick to be so lonely, Some days I ask myself why pushed them,  I miss my family, All my scars and I am shader in pieces, I re...

A final word of warning. Alex can hold his drink to an almost lethal degree as I discovered on my eighteenth birthday when he decided a night of tequila slammers was the way to go. Ooo. Well, you know when people say that they were so drunk that the whole night is blank and you always go, "no way not possible." Well... Believe me, it's possible. Choosing a... Choosing the person that you want to share your life with... ls one of the most important decisions that any of us makes. Ever. Because when it's wrong, it turns your life to grey. And sometimes... Sometimes you don't even notice until you wake up one morning and realize years have gone by. We both know about that one, Alex. Your friendship has brought glorious technicolor to my life. lt's been there even in the darkest of times and I am the luckiest person alive for that gift. I hope I didn't take it for granted. I think maybe I did. Because sometimes you don't see that the best thing that ever h...

La incertidumbre que no saber que va pasar mañana, Que todo lo que pensaste que estaba por sentado ya no lo esta, Soñaste que todo no era verdad y que despértabas en casa, Sentiste los abrazos de tu padre ylas caricias de tu abuela, Sabes que tu mente esta jugando contigo, Lo esta haciendo de la forma mas cruel  posible, Quisiera romper todo y tirarlo al piso, Que todo se quiebre en mil pedazos, Que nada de esto fuese verdad, Que estar sola llorando en un cuarto a oscuras, A veces me pregunto porque las cosas cambiaron tanto y se fueron a la basura, Quisiera saber si en realidad me amabas como decias? Y con mucho egoismo voy a decir esto: Quisiera saber si todavia me recuerdas? Muchas veces he querido ser egoista pero siempre termino alejandome de los que amo para no hacerles mas daño, He renunciado tantas veces a no estar a lado de ellos, Renuncie a buscar a mi papa y alejarme de mi hermano, Me aleje de mi abuela para que viviera una vida en paz con mi tia, Renunc...

These days I am being cried because of you, Sometimes I think that only love can hurt like this, But this is what I think? I am thinking of us, Every moment, Every look, Every tender lovemaking, Every fight, Every disagreement, At the moment I wake up,  I can see your face next to mine, I try to hold it and it vanishes in the air, I try to feel your arms around me, I try to feel your hands holding mine, But it is too late for all this yearning. You were my home and shelter, I still fighting with feelings, I only think that you were mine and I let you go, I was not ready, I was a fool and I made you paid for my immaturity, You always were and will be one of the kind, I wish to be next to you, Hold you at least a one last time, Tell you how sorry I am for all the pain I inflicted, The way I behaved... At this point in my life, I know we will not be together again, I need to let you go from my heart, I need to forget you, I struggle with the idea, You w...

I am trying to keep my eyes open Work harder for a non good reason  Trying to forget where I came from  Trying to find my place in life or in the world  Why am I trying to forget my past?  What do I miss about it?  Still waiting for an answer from heaven...  I miss you guys....  I need to change and evolve in a different being so I can make it and live for the first time in peace. 

You need to finish this chapter... You need to find the way