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I am not ready

I need to take the next step after I am writing these letters I acknowledge what is the next step...
The biggest problem is that I am so scared of the unknown, my anxiety will kick and I don't have any idea of the possible outcome...

I dont have words to describe the feeling inside me...
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"Love, Rosie": The Wedding Speech

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2001

There is a moment in time that changes it all, That was 2001 for me It changes my family dynamics  My path in life That was the year when I hide in books Especially 2 of them: LOTR and HP I read them as an addiction to run away from reality I need it I wanted it I hated my life I never loved me I did not think of myself as a person with value or worth Since those days I ran away from my true feelings Mom always said "No one will love you for who you are, they will want your money because your ugly fat ass they will not desire it, you are fat and no one will love you like that" I never thought someone will like me or love me But I gave it all, tried hard to feel in love or to find someone to like me And the end result was the same... me alone with a broken heart
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Julio 28 "Forget yourself... "

Relationships, She is trap in one, Why she is not able to understand that love is not suffer and pain? It is possible for her to grown in it, Do you think so? Loneliness makes people to attach them to one person, She is attach to someone that is a child, What do I feel most hurtful? I know how much she want to have a family, She wants to fell that she belong to someone, She cries alone, thinking no one will be able to hear her. But even if she hide, I am able to hear her pain. How hard is to understand? Sometime you need to understand, Don't trust your dreams, hopes and your path to someone else, Dont trust nobody, because nobody trust you. Even your mom believes she know best, But no one will not know the best role for you, Because you are the main character on your life, If you let them tell you what to do, That is your problem. I hate to see her cry, The pain, the sorrow, the guilt, Why do you think you deserve all of this? You feel trap in you bad drea...
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