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Dear Marie age 21

Dear Marie age 21,

How are you doing?
How do you feel?
Do you feel that the end is coming?
Are you able to foresee it?
Why are you so mad about?

I know you want to be someone else, everything went wrong in a short period of time. I don't want to lie about it but this will be only the beginning of the end.

Mom will kick us out of our house and we will start for the first time wondering around, until this day you don`t have a home. I don't even know the reason why she did it... Maybe she wished to make dad feel bad because he was hooking with other women, do his drinking habits or their constant argument at night.

You wished so many times to wrong away with K but you knew that was not the way...

I want to protect you so hard and put you inside of a shelter, this is the moment every decision you take are going for the well being of others and not yours. You will try to say goodbye to every person you love without hold heart and push them but we will talk about it in 6 years.

Please don't be hard on you, don't punish your mind and heart because it is not your fault...
You will be angry with the world, with K, with yourself... You are cross and you have grown as you go with all of the good or the bad...

I am so scared for us, I know what is coming. Every bad decision, from this point one we will try to numb our heart and soul, we did everything to shut down our feeling, we were so scared... everyone is leaving us... they don't need us anymore... mom will use you in her revenge against your dad and you will let her use you... You will start with your self imposed punishment because you deem that love and happiness are not for you and you never deserve it... You never felt like a winner and you always wanted to be something to someone but you look and wonder if someone asks you to stay, you were waiting for a person to fight for you and hold you tight, that person who will save the day...

I don't have words at this moment, I will wish to be fancy and tell you that your desire will be true but at this moment... I am sick of being so lonely and I miss all my family... You will find temporary loves to keep your mind busy but you are able to know the difference, you will do everything to mess them up because deep inside you will be waiting for him to come back to you...

Please dont give up...

Marie age 41




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