Un diario dislexico

I am tired, Even if I try to tomorrow, I will be tire, I don't have more strength, How to get inside your head, You only hear what it's convenient, Please let in...

No es posible tener que estar en esta situación, Es tan increíble que las cosas se tienen que dar de esta manera. I dont understand the reason this situation is going over and over again. Do you understand the importance of your decisions? Me frustra tanto, Me enfurece tanto darme cuenta que no podemos a donde queremos ir, no tener un objetivo. Que nos conformamos con lo que tenemos, o al menos creemos que son suficientes para sentirte bien. But tell me, do you ask what they expect from you? Do you by any change ask and try to do what they expect from you? If you dont like it, Tell me why are you still here? Dont give me that bullshit that is because you dont give up!!!! You already give up long time ago...... Espero que estes teniendo el mejor momento de tu vida en este momento, O al menos que te estés engañando, porque vos sabes que eso no es cierto. You are not OK, you have problems to see the true?!?!?!? You want me to open your eyes, at this point i am not able to...

The angel's feathers are falling, And the only thing I'm able to do, It's watching them fall, The weather is cold and windy, All around you is freeze in time. They ask you to stay, Not to move from that spot, Because they will come back, You stand their waiting, The night come and you know they aren't coming back, But your hopes are up. Everything was a lie, You are aware it was a lie, Will you wait for him endlessly? Don't lie again, You trusted his promises, You think that he would come to you again. And every was a lie, Now you are frozen inside, You don't allow me to enter, You are scared to trust again, I am telling you again and again, You don't need to take the blame, This event was not you fault, You are a good person, This is not a lie. I don't know how long I am able to hold you, I want to cure all your wounds, I know I am not qualified to heal you, I am not the one you want to ask for forgiveness. I am waiting end...

The words I speak alone, The promise I make alone, The walks I do alone, All of them are all natural to me. Clamorous mind in my lonely nights again, Thinking alone, Wishing alone, Noise of my previous life, My body is tired, All of this is all natural at this point. Some people don't understand, Some of them feel sorry for me, They don't understand, To be alone is comfortable, I don't need to worry about them, All around me become lies. At this time being comfortable is OK, Alone at night, Sleeping alone, Living alone, Being alone, This is all natural to me. Everyone think "she is so sad", They are worried, I wish to say it once... I am not ok, I am feeling uncomfortable, The way people look at me, I am not trying to use them, Even if they look at me, They are not trying to be with me, That why I walk alone, Sleep alone, Being alone feel more natural to me, This is more comfortable to me.

You want to fix the world, You need to find the way, You wish to win them, You want to explode, You need to carry the world, You wish to receive a response, But you continue carrying the world. You watch them pass, Some of them are in peace, Some of them are in war, You need to change their minds, You want to change their lives, But you are not able to continue carrying their world. What you want? Can you change them all? What happens if they don't want to change their world... Can you continue trying?

Being with someone and feel alone, Hugging and feel the emptiness between my arms, Faking the smiles and the small talks, Being kind with you, move by guilt, Watching around and trying to find comfort in someone else's eyes. At least ones, Do you know what I am feeling? I want to scream "I don't love you" What are you waiting? You want to make me pay, This is the highest price, At this moment, Even routine is not enough, This is to heavy, I am not able to carry on. Are you able to give up? "I don't love you" are the first words in my lips every time we see each other, Don't let me drown in sorrow, Let me go. Please, tell me you know this is not love, Routine killed us. At night, I sit in my empty room, Thinking how to end it, And the most bizarre thing is that I am waiting for you to end it, Because I am a coward and I am to afraid to feel the loneliness alone...

Until today, I realise that I am carrying the world in my back, I thought it was my fault, I was someone who given everything to you, But for you that was not enough, You need more, Just having you, it was enough for me, Based in your letter, I am someone who couldn't give everything to you, I give up, I will let this go easier, Back then, when I thought we used to love each other, I think I was to excited that I was no able to see the truth, I used to look like I own the world, All my memories are not complete if you wasn't there, I can't picture myself like that, I think this is the way I am, Maybe I went to far ahead about us, And that why I ended up lost and alone, Living a lie, it was hard and painful for you, You used to cry like the world has come to an end, I was not able to keep you, Now, I am not able to imagine you with me, Do you forget about us? I was so bad for you, wasn't I? I want to see your face, the face I cannot forget, I pic...

Mad clown tell me why are you so sad, Even if I try, you know I am not able to stop this tears, Don't get mad, If I want to hold your hand, If I want to hug you tight, And I cry in the process, Let me be, my mad clown. That only thing I am asking you is to understand, I am taking all of you, My heart is opening at this feeling, Don't get mad, I am only asking you is to smile, I know you don't want to leave me. It is something you need to understand, My feelings are in the surface, I will cry for every memories we share,  Just let me cry. You want to fix everything, You think it is necessary to solve our problems, You need to trust me, The only thing I am begging you, Just smile, my beautiful and mad clown. You don't need to feel guilty, I know my lips will ask you to stay with me, My hands will try to hold you tight, Remember I love you, But I know you are not able to stay with me. Onces again, This will not be our story, Feel free to ...

Only my eyes are able to see, The beautiful of you eyes, My ears are able to recognize only your voice, Your tone of voice is like music to my heart, Possibly, it is something wrong my head, Even when you are not around, I am able to hear your voice, My hands are yearning your touch, Do you think that I like you now? Or maybe I am going crazy? It is confusing, I believe I am the only one to be able to see your true self, Even if I try to close my eyes, Your face pop up, But I can't refuse this happiness to my heart, It is a beautiful life since you are here.

I am thinking how the world was before I met you, It was so bright, wasn't it? Things change after we met? Or is only my imagination! You told me "After I saw you, it felt like my first breath. It felt like my first breath of life" This is how the last time, that you fell in love, feel like? When you love someone, you suppose to feel this fearless about the future. I like it, Watching you close to me, Reachable for my touch, I am fluttering, And sometimes jealous for all the time you spend with other people before we met, I wish to meet you before, But I need to remember, it wasn't our time to meet in our past. The darkness past, The black skies, You came as the most beautiful sunshine, And you make my lonely world to be complete again, I know this will end one day, But before I will let you go, I love to see Spring comes, The blooming flowers around us, I know all the ordinary moments will make me cry. I am selfish and I want to be happy, ...

My heart beats so hard, I think I wasted my time before, I gave to much before to someone, I gave it all, But my heart and my body know this is different. Every day is showing me, everything is changing, I can feel it, My heart is opening for you, You are walking to my world and my heart, Can I call it a miracle? I am breathless, I want to cherrish every morning with you by my side, Remember every detail of your face, your eyes, your hands, And how they feel in my hair, I want only to remember you in this moments, Only remember your lips in my mouth. You blew my mind, Heaven is with you, In your hands, your voice, your eyes, Heaven is when I am with you, I was not able to imagine that I will find happiness under this sky, You make me smile. I closed my eyes and daydream, I never expected to have so beautiful dreams, Now, I confess that every time I smile when I close my eyes, Because you are in them, I thought I need to give up, I thought I have no hope,...

I wish for heaven to come, After a tiredday, When I come back to my home, We'll, this place doesn't feel like my home, Have that unfamiliar weirdly feeling, Unknown suffocation, Sometimes I repeat to myself "it is OK" Minutes, hours, days and weeks have passed, And still feeling the same, I repeated so many times everything is OK, I keep on staring at the sky, I feel like the time is only passing by, Do you think I am losing my mind? I am blaming myself for so many things, I am laughing at myself for being so foolish and feeling pathetic, I want you so bad, But I don't want to wait any more, Because when I can't expect any longer, My emotions are pouring from my skin, What can I do know? Time goes by, Mindlessly, I miss you, I keep thinking about us, Even when I go to bed crying myself out, Do you feel the same way? Do you miss me? Do you ever think about us? I am only wishing that I wouldn't love you any more, Sorry but I can...

It wasn't you, I heard my phone rings, My heart jumps and makes me hope, Hope to hear your voice, To found out you were here, It wish so hard to hear your voice. But it wasn't the case, It was the past, The past calls asking for a meeting, To meet again and ask for a favor, A favor that it will have a great price, Or a impact to my spirit. The consequences are bigger than you think, The past is the past, If I don't want to talk with it, I am trying to move forward, Always learning from it, But I don't want to deal with my past, I accept the consequences of my previous actions, Why I need to still talk about my past or with it.... I don't want to hear about it, The past is the past, I am not innocent, I am not perfect, I am not able to forget what I did wrong, But I want to grow up, I wish to find myself and you, I will not miss my chance to move forward...

How hurt are you that you are not able to trust people, How hard is to believe in others, Why I lost faith in people? I miss when I was ignorant, I didn't know about how hard life could be, Sadness win me over, When I remember how navie I was, I love to believe in people, I like to see the goodness in everyone, But I need to grow up. When you are nice, They think you are dumb, When you are strong, They think you are harsh and a bad person, What they want? I want to stop, I will like to fight, But my spirit is so tired, Even in my dreams, I fight with people, I am not able how these things happen. I don't know if i will give up.... But I don't want to do it.... It is not me, I want to believe in everyone.... Still hurts.....

When you meet someone, You don't know what you get, He could be nice and easy going or a pain in the.... When I met him, I was not able to stand him, He was the worst person ever, Noisy and loud, We hated him so much, In the end, after several fights, We started liking him, He showed us a different way to see life, How good is to be positive, That you need to know everything can change if you have a different attitude towards your problems. "life will trout you lemons, use them to make margaritas" he always said. You win our hearts, Even when we left the country, You were there, You were one our best friends, Almost as a sibling. One thing change everything, One night, that night, After you birthday party, No one knows what happened, They found you after the accident, They said it was a miracle you were alive, But that night our friend die. Even if your body wake-up, You weren't there, Your body tried to give up several times, But your fam...

Waiting for something to change, People doesnt change that easy, I dont know what to think, I dont expect anything anymore, I am so tired of everything, I want to travel, People are so slow and dont pay attention, They want everything so easy, Can I run away? People ..... I am not able to lost all hope, I want to cry so hard, It is so frustrated to try and nothing go thru, Or what can I do? Everything around me is falling apart, That is the worse, I want to do it, But I need to cry, Because ..... This is the worse time.... to feel weak.....

Day comes and go, Things don't sound good, Nothing have senses, I wish to be in a different place, My heart hurts so much, I don't want to see you suffer this way. Can I help you? Are you able to trust me? Because I want to be there for you.... I will there to protect you, With all my love, I will be there, You need to trust other, When you felt in a hole, You need to know when to ask for help, too I will be there all the time, You don't need to even to search for the help... Don't judge people base in your previous relationship, Not everyone is the same, People don't run away because the situation is difficult, It is an easy thing to do and believe they want to use you, But for real, Don't you know how valuable you are! Good people is coming to your life and they will change everything, Wonderful times are coming for you! Trust me!

I am not perfect, Sometime we dont feel like we deserve love, I wish to understand why this happen to each of us, We need to learn that is not true, Please, remember we are perfect in our oneway, We try to hard to please other, Dont change yourself, We dont have to do that, I know you feel like you are nothing, Please, believe your value. Their is always a turn in point, We have a lesson to learn in time, I have my tattoos to remember each of these times, Each of my memories, Each thing that make me change, Good or bad, They make me change, Independence was the difference in my life, I understand for the first time who I was. •••

Because I am Stupid, Because I dont know what to do with myself, I feel happy when I see you picture, I foolish myself, I know you are not even close, I won’t be in your days, I won’t be in your memories, Acknowledge this reality, It hurts my heart. Between my lips, The words “I love you” are trying to escape, Alone again, here in my room, Alone again, missing you, I really want to see you today, Are you able to come? I am here creating memories by my own… Loving you is the most beautiful wound, I look at you, Your smile is so beautiful and lovely, But I want to make you smile, I wish to be the reason of it. I need you, I can’t stop hopping for it, I can’t stop working for it, I think about you all day, But at night i miss you the most, Are you able to come and hug me? •••

When the days go by, Can you imagine what is going to happen that day? Or Can you set the theme? I am asking because I can't, I try so hard to relax in my dreams, But recently is not possible. Oh my dreams, I don't know if i need to feel this is a nightmare or a dream, This is not the time that everything is clear, Look in the mirror with a wedding dress, And you are not sure with who you will marry with.... All of my life, I am running away from this day or that day, But far I can see, It was only you and me, I am not sure if I was in love, Or this was the last time i was in love... Going to the altar, I am not that confident of that statement, Then, I dream again, Not the same place, Not the same scenario, But still, I was running again, I was not confident or comfortable with the situation, Finally I understand, I don't have any attachment with him anymore, My heart doesn't ache anymore for him, That why I am dreaming again?

Today, I realize.... Everytime I walk by your house, My heart beats faster, The memories run again, And every pass so slow... All of these make me... I never though I will be here, I never knew I will remember everything, I never hate you, like I do right now... I never need you, like I do right now... The standard, The requirements, The dreams, The hopes, All of that came from someone else mind, Not from here.... She wants me to be a model, He wants me to be happy, They want me to be rich, And I want.... I didn't know what I want to be.... I need you, But it is possible that I don't, I love you, But it is a habit of me to think that, I want to save me, But I learned no one will do it for you. I never knew all these tears meant something, But not for someone beside myself. They don't know what happened, Or how hard it was...... So I don't know if i cry, They are for pain or relief....

One day at this hour, One of our friends call me, She told me you are not longer with us, You were gone, "Dont cry please, ... is gone, ... " Still, I can believe it, We talk few days ago, You were the sun, Your smile means a lot for us, But life, the everyday life, Take us a part. You work so hard to have what you want, To study and work, To live your life the way to want to do it, But why you take your life, Why to take everything you work for and not fight for it! Did you feel alone? Did you think no one love you? Why you do it? We miss you, We dont know the reason, We dont have the why, No one is able to know what is going on in someone else mind, Each person feels alone, Forgot, Without any other way, Without a hope, There is not other exit, I know how the pain felt, I know how lonely is it, But I never try to hurt myself, Please tell me why you thought this was the only way?

The light are on, You are to see thru the window, What can I do? I am able to see your shadow, Can I call you? Can I ask you how are your doing? Can you answer this time? The memories of us, Everything around me have your fragrance, All the cold memories, They are freeze in the time, I don´t know if I am able to remember your face, I am being a fool, The room feels so cold. I regret that i push you away, I push your heart away, I made you go far away, The decision I regret the most, At 3 am, I remember our last conversation, I ask you about your day. Our happiest days are so far gone, My head is fill of guilt, I was a coward, You make me laugh, You make me happy, You take care of me, You look so good when you smile, I wish I will be the reason if you smile again, But I lost all hope. Our love is gone, I miss you, I need to be honest to me, I love you ......