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I dont see the day...

No veo el dia en que me duelas menos,
Cada dia me pesas mas,
Los dias se me hacen tan largos y ya no encuentro excusas para no recordarte,
No veo el dia en que nos volvamos a encontrar,
Las lagrimas me corren por la mejias sin poderlas controlar,
Cada palabra que sale de mi boca me hace recordarte,
Cada desicion que tomo me hace pensarte,
No veo el dia en que no te recuerde mas,
Me hiceron pensar en lo mucho que vales para mi este fin de semana, 
Con un nudo en la garganta, no quise aceptar que recodarte me dueles mas cada dia,
No veo el dia en que no recuerde tu voz,
Te recuerdo tan vivamente, acarcio tu cabello gris y tomo tu mano,
Ese recuerdo, ese instante se siento como si tuviera un alfiler penetranto mi corazon
Mi garganta se cierra como si alguien me sugetara, que el aire no puede entrar ni salir,
Me pesa el cuerpo, se me cierra la mente y lo unico que quiero es hecharme a dormir,
Dejarme morir..... Ocultarme.... Huir..... Salir corriendo de mi realidad.... Pero no existe nada que me permita tal cosa....No puedo dejarme morir.....

Me siento tan vulnerable, me siento tan fragil que no se que hacer, a mi me enseñaron a luchar hasta la muerte, en leventarme hasta que las piernas no aguante y si no me puedo levantar, usar hasta los dientes para salir de ese oyo; pero nunca aprendi a pedir ayuda.... a reconocer que necesito ayuda.....

Y hoy mas que nunca, la necesito.... por primera vez me he dado cuenta que no puedo mas, no quiero sentirme sola, quiero sentir que todo lo mis efuerzos son apreciados, que cada momento que he sudado son tomados en cuenta....

Me puede doler tanto reconocer que me siento abandonada y abandone... hui y huyeron... rechace y rechazaron... lo que mas duele es saber que si todo esto no hubiera sucedido no se donde estuviera o todo estas experiencias y enseguridades no existieran... o tal vez fueran peores....

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